A CRIMINAL (or at least not a good one. You know, the ones that don't ever make it on America's Most Wanted because no one ever even knew it was them to begin with). This would be much to the chagrin of the local police who questioned me (ME?!) in connection with a hit and run that caused property damage (UNbelievable!). Aside from the lack of front end damage and blond hair, here is the list of why it could not have been me for that or any other crime for that matter:
10. I am totally unable to break into ANYTHING (evidenced by my call to the DH today because I was locked out of the house).
9. I am a wee bit careless with my belongings (the authorities would ask, "She left her whole purse at the scene?! Too easy."). Just today I emailed tech support because I thought I had left a CD in the drive of the computer that was replaced. I hadn't. It was in my laptop.
8. I am unable to lie well.
7. If I do try to lie, my conscience kills me.
6. I'm book smart only. Street, not so much (this drives my DH crazy because he is constantly reminding me to be aware of my surroundings).
5. I'm distracted easily (I'm sure I'd be burglarizing a house, see something shiny, get transfixed and caught).
4. When I get nervous, I giggle. A LOT (one time during a real tornado at school the kids thought I was crying as I was patting their backs when actually I laughed so hard I cried). So I can imagine that I would not be taken seriously if ever I were to commit a real crime as giggling isn't very intimidating.
3. I think I might be too busy to take the time to plan something out (at least well enough not to get caught).
2. I couldn't use my DH's truck as the weapon, because he would immediately notice ANY body damage and be ANGRY (I have made my peace with the fact that he loves the truck much more than me).
1. I couldn't use my DH's truck as a getaway, because (see number 2).